WTAPS DRAG-ON JACKETS & BAD BROWSER HISTORIES

Images via Wood Wood

I fuck heavily with this Drag-on Jacket from WTAPS. How heavily, you ask? Ralphie May heavily. Gabriel Iglesias heavily. Big Jay Oakerson heavily. Are any of these pudgy stand-up comic references landing? This jacket is made in Japan, from a ripstop 50/50 cotton/poly blend. It costs 279 USD. It also features a kangaroo pocket, which is perfect for carrying your phone, drugs, or immature joeys. Shout to marsupials. When it comes to weird reproductive shit, marsupials hold it down for sure. Go ahead and google “kangaroo penis” if you don’t believe me. On second thought, don’t google that. Only one of us needs to have the world’s creepiest search history. I don’t even use Incognito mode any more. If you’re using my computer, chances are you’re acquainted with my strangeness and most likely you tolerate it as an inherent part of my being. As for all the watchlists I must be on, fuck em. I’ve seen Enemy of the State, which I assume is a truthful and accurate portrayal of the American intelligence community. I love surveillance. I can’t wait for the telescreen to watch my every move. Who watches the watchers? And who watches the watcher watchers? Why did Gene Hackman retire from acting? Is he living off the grid now? Where’s Jesse Ventura in all of this? A bunker in Mexico. I don’t know why I bothered asking that last one. I’m going to buy this WTAPS jacket and you know what I’m going to put in the kangaroo pocket? A bug sweeper. And my phone and some drugs. Oh, and two lighters, because I hate not having a lighter when I need one. I’m suddenly struck by the urge to craft a hat out of aluminum foil, watch Predator, and delete my browser history. Wave hi to the NSA, everyone -RB