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THIS GREI. INDIGO BUTTON CREW DASHIKI SHIRT IS HOW WE WILL ALL DRESS IN THE FUTURE
Images via Totokaelo
I almost didn’t write about this Indigo Button Crew Dashiki Shirt from GREI., as it's nearly sold out at Totokaelo, but then I was like “Aw, fuck it”, because I’m all but certain that none of you ever heed my word and buy expensive garments merely on my say-so. My powers of persuasion are atrociously limited. And I use too many adverbs. And sometimes I’m a bad listener. It’s been a long time since my last confession, so here goes: I was always afraid of the snowy owl diorama in the Leonard C. Sanford Hall of North American Birds at the American Museum of Natural History. No reason. Okay, I feel better. Let’s talk about the shirt. From what I’ve gleaned from science-fiction and actual science, this is how we’re all going to look and dress in the future. When race and gender are swept aside like so much socially-constructed detritus, our cities will be dominated by ambiguous androgynes, gliding down the sun-soaked streets in hyper-expensive, African-inspired long shirts. Unfortunately, the streets will be extremely sun-soaked, due to the relentless progression of global climate change, causing the majority of the Earth’s citizens to seek shelter in vast underground communities, known as “mole zones”. This meteorologically-induced isolation results in an epoch of divergent human evolution, our bodies and minds adapting to meet the substantial environmental pressures presented by subterranean life, some developing the ability to echolocate like bats, others becoming sightless and constantly wet like those gross Texas blind salamanders from the “Caves” episode of Planet Earth. In Central Europe, they call their weird, blind amphibians "human fish". Disgusting. I don’t know if I’m making this clear, but you need to take your ass to a museum right now and look at some skeletons and shit. Learn something. Preferably something about creepy, albino, cave-dwelling, troglobite chordates. I counted eleven adverbs in this post. That’s definitely too many -RB
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