Images via Bodega
I'm not certain that I understand how to wear this Troop parka from Deluxe, but I am quite certain that it kicks a heaping helping of ass. I'd go on some long ass random jag about how it makes me want to crawl through the muck and mire on some foreign battlefield, but it's really hard to imagine doing anything to intentionally dirty a 619 USD parka. If I dribbled even half a sip of over-diluted cold brew on this thing, I'd seriously consider killing myself to help assuage the shame, although I assume my afterlife would subsequently be spent dripping drinks on expensive garments like some sort of spill-prone Sisyphus. I guess I'm just not cut out for the rough and tumble military lifestyle. However, I am cut out for the R & R lifestyle: drinking, carousing, getting nautically-themed tattoos, etc. I greatly prefer those things to getting torn to shreds by barbed wire and/or shot to death. Chalk it up to my dependence on creature comforts. It's hard to binge watch old episodes of Fixer Upper when you're pinned down behind enemy lines. Much easier on a couch, with a beer, half-naked. This is just me and my preferences. I'll tell you one thing though: try to get away with naming your new trance project Spill-Prone Sisyphus without paying me a hefty licensing fee (to be negotiated at a later date) and I'll sue your tastefully cropped pants off. Don't fuck with me and my intellectual property. I will abandon any pretense of human decency the moment I feel threatened. I'm not that proud, fam -RB
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