RED WING CLASSIC OXFORDS & MUSHROOM PLANS

Images via The Content Store

It will shock no one that I fuck rather heavily with these Classic Oxfords in Oro-Russet Portage from Red Wing, the storied American heritage footwear producer. In keeping with hipster orthodoxy, I own a pair of expensive, well-crafted boots (the 6-Inch Classic Mocs in Oro Legacy, if you're curious) and I cherish them like a beloved family pet. Much like a pet, a pair of shoes like this will last you well over a decade, provided you treat them right. Unlike a pet, you can send them back to the factory to be repaired. Please do not try to resole your Corgi. It does not work.  Don't ask me how I know. This is the Things That Are Good Blog, not the Things That Are Terrifying And Will Haunt You For The Rest Of Your Life Blog. Who would read a blog like that? The name's too long. Brevity is the soul of wit and don't you fucking forget it, lest you get shanked by some morose Danish motherfucker, while you're hiding behind the curtains or some shit. You know what I'm saying? Keep your mouth shut. Also, don't try to hide behind the curtains. This isn't Scooby Doo. Although I wish it was Scooby Doo, because Scooby Doo owns. You know who sucks balls though? Scrappy Doo. Fuck that diminutive fuck. Remember to spay and neuter your pets. Unless they can talk and/or solve mysteries. In that case, they can do whatever they want. I have an idea: you buy these shoes; I'll buy a dog, a van, and a bunch of mushrooms. Not sure what the plan is after that, but I have a feeling we'll figure it out -RB