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Well, I’ll be! These Quoddy bluchers in Aqua Suede with gum camp soles and Cavalier Navy with Vibram camp soles (also available in Taupe Suede and Rust Suede, both with gum soles) are dope as all hell. These joints are hand-sewn in America and, at 274-275 USD a pair, they’re considerably more expensive than your roommate’s Sperry Gold Cups, so you can totally lord that over him if you go ahead and cop. That type of hyper-pretentious bullying might sound cruel, unfair, and downright anachronistic to outside observers, but we know your roommate has it coming and then some. He knows what he did. I can’t go into detail, due to a nondisclosure agreement pertaining to an ongoing lawsuit, but I can tell you that the incident involved a tube of hypoallergenic hand lotion and a couple of boxes of Kashi® GOLEAN Honey Almond Flax Crunch cereal. That’s really all I’m legally allowed to say. You should definitely move out though. Get your own place. Or at least some decent roommates. Pro-tip: consider using the term “flatmates” in all your Craigslist correspondence -- it attracts a classier crowd that is slightly less likely to attempt an abduction or murder upon your fleshy personage. Additional pro-tip: if you’re planning the abduction or murder of unsuspecting Craigslist users, you should also use the term “flatmates”, if only to seem more worldly in front of your victims (this is obviously less important if you’re a murderer, because your victims become dead). I’m not advocating that you engage in any criminal behavior; I’m simply relaying my hypothetical recommendations. It’s important that I make that distinction clear, due to my involvement in the aforementioned lawsuit. Just say no to criminality, alright guys? Showing respect for the law shows respect for others and, perhaps more importantly, respect for yourself and your fleshy personage -RB
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