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It's downright dangerous to not be woke these days, so I'd recommend that you grab a pair of these Nike SB Zoom Stefan Janoski Slips to pack in your Get Woke Quick Kit, next to the can of Blue Bottle cold brew, the purple prescription jar of OG Kush, and the dog-eared copy of Infinite Jest you stole from the library, that one time you went to the library. Give that book back, fam. In fact, give back any and all of your overdue books. Please do not make the library people's lives any more miserable than they already are. I know of what I speak. Do not question me on this. Hold up. Put that thing down, flip it, and reverse it: are you telling me you don't have a Get Woke Quick Kit? Geez Louise, fam, I can't even. You got me going off about libraries and shit, and you don't even have a goddamn Get Woke Quick Kit. You could have one tomorrow, provided you have Amazon Prime, which I assume you do, because it's the future and you need your consumer goods yesterday. Plus, you really want to watch Bosch. Unrelated thought: I haven't worn slip-ons of any kind in a while. I went through a classic checkered Vans phase, starting back in high school and bleeding into college, of which I am not proud. Nothing intrinsically wrong with those shoes, but I'm not, and never have been, in a ska band, so they probably shouldn't be a part of my daily uniform. What is my daily uniform? Japanese denim and a palpable sense of malaise -RB
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