NEIGHBORHOOD FUCK EM T-SHIRTS & THE HORRIBLE TRUTH ABOUT TOM HANKS

Images via The Hip Store

I want one of these Neighborhood Fuck Em T-shirts (available in navy and gray), because “fuck” is one of my favorite words and that’s something I would like to advertise to the world via shirt. The people need to know. As for the identities of the anonymous “em” receiving the fuck, I’d prefer they remain secret, like the recipe for Chartreuse or the location of Tupac’s underground bunker. Secrets are great. Just ask the NSA. They know all the secrets, even that really damaging one about Tom Hanks. They keep it closely guarded because our society would melt down if the truth about Thomas Jeffrey Hanks were to come out. He’s the keystone to our civilization; if he falls, we all fall. But Hanks’ hidden darkness is neither here nor there. No, the topic at hand is Fuck Em T-shirts, so Fuck Em T-shirts are what we will discuss. They are made of cotton. They cost 94 USD a piece. They feature a large, screen-printed graphic, which says “Fuck Em”. They are made by Neighborhood, a dope Japanese streetwear brand. A t-shirt is typically worn on the chest, although they can also be spun around the head, in the manner of a helicopter. If you’re Tom Hanks, you can use t-shirts to mop up copious amounts of blood, after you do that thing you do. And I don’t mean the 1996 musical dramedy That Thing You Do!. I mean the unspeakable things Tom Hanks actually does. The mere thought of his heinous activities sends shivers down my spine. I had to stop in the middle of penning this post to take a scalding hot shower. I don’t know if I’ll ever feel clean again. Tom Hanks is a werewolf, by the way. Now you know. And now that you know, the NSA is probably coming to silence you. Oh well. Fuck em -RB