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You ought to start brainstorming band names now, because if you buy a pair of these Baker Short Pants from Neighborhood, you’ll be legally obligated to found your own hardcore punk outfit. Here, I’ll start you off with a few, just to get the creative juices flowing: Dead Cuck, xAngrymanx, MEMEculture. Those ones are free. If you want more inspiration, you’ll have to bring me on as band manager, so that I may book you terrible Tuesday night gigs at local shithole bars and skim money off the top of your already shallow pay. I should clarify that when I say “local”, I mean local to people who are not you. Hope you have reliable transportation. Do you even play any instruments? I probably should have checked before starting down this path. Doesn’t really matter either way. I don’t wear shorts, but I’m still managing to write this post. I think it’s going pretty well, to be honest. By the way, I don’t wear shorts because they make me look extra stocky. You were immensely curious; I could tell. I know I’m jumping around here, but MEMEculture is actually a pretty solid name for a hardcore band. Call the first full-length album Macroaggression, the second one Kill to Replicate, and the eventual compilation Culture Wars: Unreleased Demos and B-Sides 2017-2023. Sell a t-shirt featuring a crude drawing of the MEMEculture logo made entirely from sperm cells and call it the “Genesis Logo T-Shirt”. Break up suddenly, only to begrudgingly reunite when you’re all older and fatter. Sue one of your bandmates for no reason. Eventually get addicted to hard drugs and/or die in a fiery van crash. It’s all there for the taking. Damn, after all that, I’m practically marinating in creative juices. And I have a craving for old episodes of Behind the Music -RB
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