MASTER-PIECE SPEC MILITARY WAIST BAGS & HOW TO AVOID LOOKING LIKE A GORMLESS TOURIST

Images via END.

As anyone familiar with Warhammer 40K already knows, “in the grim darkness of the far future, there is only war”. Unfortunately, it looks like that far future has come early, so gear up for a lifetime of ceaseless conflict with these Master-Piece Spec Military Waist Bags (available in khaki and black). Call them “fanny packs” at your own peril. I don’t know exactly how many bullets you can fit in one of these things, but I do know that if you wear them slung across your back like a bandolier, you avoid looking like a gormless tourist. Not that there’s anything wrong with being a gormless tourist. Someone needs to keep Sbarro in business, even if they keep going bankrupt because their pizza makes a less appealing foodstuff than the crud that accumulates at the corners of your mouth when you’re really thirsty. The Sbarro website makes liberal use of such buzzwords as “handmade” and “in-house”, somewhat akin to calling the accommodations at Rikers Island “cozy” and “intimate”. Obviously, bashing Sbarro and their largely inedible products is far from a hot take, but if you want cutting edge cultural criticism, then you can take your au courant ass over to UPROXX or some shit (no link, because I'm petty; fuck you, if you don't like it). If you’re looking for interesting topical discussions, then you have stumbled upon the wrong blog. This is +Things That Are Good, not Murphy Brown, dick. Geez. Stop being such a dick, dick. Okay, let's stop bashing each other and get back to bashing Sbarro: I drank Sbarro wine one time and it was literally (and I mean “literally” literally) the worst fermented beverage to ever pass my lips. It’s tied for worst overall beverage with that sip of filthy bong water I accidentally drank back in high school. If you disagree, please feel free to leave your stupid comments in your pocket or, better yet, your motherfucking fanny pack -RB