MARSÈLL SFESA LOAFERS & PETER CRISS'S DEAD SKIN

Images via Totokaelo

Goddamn, peeps, I’m about to cop a pair of these Sfesa Elasticated Loafers from Marsèll and stomp around the Earth like a lost member of KISS. I’m not sure if Peter Criss wears slip-on Italian loafers with pumice stone-inspire midsoles, but he probably has a lot of dead skin, so maybe he should consider it. Either that or buy a couple loofahs. Step your exfoliation game up, fam. Protect your epidermis. According to some quick Googleage, The Catman is worth over 2 million dollars, so he can afford to drop 885 USD on a pair of high fashion platform shoes. I’m not saying he should. The man’s not exactly a paragon of sartorial excellence. I don’t know why I’m spending so much time and verbiage shitting on Peter Criss; he’s done nothing to me. Paul Stanley did accuse him of being an antisemite in his memoir, an allegation Criss vigorously denies. I’d prefer not to take sides, but Paul Stanley has always struck me as a humongous douchebag, so I take anything he says with a grain -- nay, a boulder -- of salt. Why can’t I stop talking about KISS? I could be telling you about how Marsèll was founded in 2001 by a trio of siblings (Elisa, Marco, and Roboerto Cima) or how their collections are handmade at their atelier, creating uniquely bold and modern takes on classic shoes and accessories, but instead I’m focusing on a band that famously sells a branded coffin (it’s called the Kiss Kasket, naturally) and wrote the sensuous ballad “Calling Dr. Love”, which features the timeless couplet “So if you please get on your knees / There are no bills, there are no fees”. What a bunch of romantics those boys are! Man, I didn’t know Harvey Weinstein had writing credits on KISS songs. That guy’s a fucking bonafide Renaissance man. Are you cringing? I am. I cringe so often nowadays, muscles I didn’t even know I had are perpetually sore. It’s like the first time you do yoga, except the opposite in nearly every way, unless you happen to be in the same yoga class as Matt Lauer. TIme to buy a Peloton, I guess. Unfortunately, the pedal clips are probably not compatible with these Marsèll loafers. Sorry if that’s a dealbreaker. Fitness is important, but not at the expense of fashion, which is why I hold the entirety of the athleisure movement in such low regard. If there is a devil, I am certain that he wears Lululemon -RB