KITH x FOURDII SB-1 SIDE BAGS & PREGNANT SIDE PIECES

Images via Kith

Bust out that burner phone, fam, because it’s time to begin an illicit relationship with one of these Kith x FourDii SB-1 Side Bags and may the Lord have mercy on your soul if your main bag finds out. As the old saying goes, Hell hath no fury like a satchel scorned. This seductive little sack features a quick release system, Duraflex clips, and a FIDLOCK magnetic buckle, which are all, I assume, Things That Are Good™. It’s also MOLLE (Modular Lightweight Load-carrying Equipment) system-equipped, meaning you can strap a whole host of useful shit to yourself, and constructed from X-Pac laminated double ripstop fabric, carry industry jargon for lightweight, water repellent, abrasion-resistant badassery. In short, this provocative goomah of a bag can handle whatever you choose to throw at or into it. Just make sure your main bag never catches wind of that one night on that business trip to Denver. You’ve got a good thing going there and it would be a shame to jeopardize it just for a naughty fling with a side bag that comes with additional straps so you can use it as a leg bag or chest rig. I know you. You’re not built for that kind of duplicity. You think you can compartmentalize it all, that no one’s getting hurt. Sure, you’re happy with the main bag, but you want more. It’s not a matter of morality, you tell yourself, it’s a matter of appetite. But soon you’re forgetting what lies you told and to whom. You’re missing dinner dates with the main bag. You’re paying the side bag’s rent. And then comes the fateful day when the side bag tells you the news that changes everything: it’s pregnant. The words send a sharp chill through your entire being, like a bucket of ice water from a painfully outdated ALS Ice Bucket Challenge reference. What are you going to do? What can you do? You can’t kill the side bag. It cost you 230 USD and that’s a shitload of money. You can’t convince it to get an abortion. It’s devoutly religious and believes life begins at conception. You can’t tell your main bag. It’ll leave and take the little coin purses with it. Have I stretched this metaphor as painfully far as it can go? Probably. Should I have stopped about halfway back? Almost certainly. Was it worth it to make everyone, including me, quite uncomfortable? Absofuckinglutely -RB