KIJIMA TAKAYUKI GOAT LEATHER CAPS & THE PROBLEM WITH RECTANGULAR PUPILS

Images via Roden Gray

You ought to buy one of these Goat Leather Caps from Japanese milliner Kijima Takayuki (available in navy, gray, and black), because they are made of one hundred percent goat leather and we should all be wearing more goat on our heads. I, for one, would take comfort in knowing my 168 USD hat was constructed from the stretched out skin of an animal that used to scream like a person. Goats have rectangular pupils, which is, as I’m sure we can all agree, an abomination against God. Hail Satan. Therefore, we should not feel any guilt when converting these beasts into suede, as their very existence is an affront to all that is good and holy. Hail Satan. In fact, purchasing one of these goat suede caps actually absolves you of sin. Even grievous mortal sins -- murder, adultery, using a dental dam -- can be wiped from your spiritual slate simply by wearing a baseball cap. Hail Satan. Why waste time with the tiresome drudgery of performing good deeds, when perpetual forgiveness is at your fingertips (provided, of course, that you have a credit card in arm’s reach)? You only have one life to live. Why not live it to the fullest, immersed in indulgences, marinated in misdeeds, poached in perversions? Break free from the frail shackles of your petty morality. We can be our own gods here. Stop reading this post right now. Take your off clothes and run naked from your current domicile. Go cavort with the woodland creatures and, when they displease you or you tire of their company, rend them limb from limb and dance in their hot blood. Spit in the woeful faces of the pious. Tumble heedlessly into the ever-growing dark. Taste the bitter, metallic flavor of being. Dude, I really need to stop listening to so much black metal -RB