Images via Need Supply
Boy howdy, you’d better hurry up and buy a pair of these Bondi B Sneakers from Hoka x Engineered Garments (available in Multi, White, and Black) before they sell out faster than Green Day after Dookie. This sneaker design is as quirky and fun as one might expect from a collabo between these two idiosyncratic brands and I’m here for it, in the parlance of our times. Obviously you should cop a pair in each colorway, so you can rock the white joints on Casual Fridays, the multicolored joints at TGIFridays, and the black joints at home on Friday night, alternating between doing something wholesome, like binging the Great British Baking Show, and doing something wholly uncomfortable, like masturbating to the Great British Baking Show. Hoka is known for producing legit running shoes, so you know these will be comfy out of the box, and Engineered Garments is known for being fucking awesome, so you know you will look at least 50% cooler while wearing them. I’m trying to think of a witticism somehow relating the Bondi Bs to Cardi B, but it’s just not happening. Maybe Hoka could consider releasing a special edition red-bottomed "Bodak Yellow" colorway, preferably before press time for this post. Look at me using terms like “press time”, as though I was some sort of actual journalist. This blog resembles actual journalism about as closely as Little Caesar’s resembles actual pizza. Not exactly holding out hope for a Pulitzer over here. However, I will accept a sponsorship from Little Caesar’s. In exchange, I will stop mentioning you in a negative light. Indeed, I’ll start doing that now, as a gesture of good faith. Little Caesar’s produces food that you can ingest to gain sustenance and stave off starvation. That is a factual statement to which I freely attest. Who’s hungry? I know I am. This post is the blogging equivalent of going to the supermarket after taking a blunt to the face and ending up with a basket filled with two slabs of bacon, three bags of marshmallows, and nineteen single serving Icelandic yogurts. Lingonberries are deadass smack. You can quote me on that, especially if you work for a skyr producer. I’m looking at you, siggi’s. Gimme dat gurt, bruh. I’m down for a yogurt sponsorship, if the whole Little Caesar’s thing doesn’t pan out (that’s a pizza pun, miei amici). Guys, I’m so fucking hungry. I’m looking at the multicolored Bondi Bs and now I want some Fruit by the Foot and/or some Skittles. No Red Vines or Twizzlers though. Both those candies are straight ass. Don’t @ me -RB
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