GLOBE-TROTTER CENTENARY TROLLEY CASES & THE THINGS MY TV TELLS ME

Images via Peggs & son

Perhaps, in another lifetime, I will own one of these Globe-Trotter Centenary Trolley Cases (available in Green / Tan, Red / Tan, and Navy / Navy; also available in Black / Black, not pictured). This current one is more of a reasonably priced weekender lifetime than a 1534 USD special edition suitcase lifetime. I’m not complaining. Life isn’t about material items, no matter how handsome and expertly crafted they happen to be. No, life is about material witnesses and the wealth of incriminating evidence lodged in their heads. I tend to find the easiest solution to pesky witnesses and their potentially damning testimonies is poison, but to each his own. Or her own. Or anyone outside the traditional sex/gender binary. Live your truth, people. Unless you’re a material witness against me, in which case you can go fuck yourself and also I’m innocent and also, hold on, I almost forgot, go fuck yourself again. Whatever you think I did, I did not do. Whatever I did do, I am not culpable. If am culpable for anything, I take responsibility for nothing. Lordy, I hope there are tapes, tapes of all kinds: duct, masking, VHS. I’ve got the best tape, trust me. Believe me. Allow me into your home. Some men just want to watch the world burn, while others just want to watch it gradually warm as a result of an accumulation of greenhouse gasses in its atmosphere. Wow, what is happening in this post? First I’m advocating murder by poisoning, then, a mere handful of sentences about tape later, I’m ranting about global warming. The television has been telling me to be more political and I guess I’m just following its orders. Come over to my place. We can listen to the TV together. It tells me things. Dark things. My TV knows where you live. Let us in -RB