GIVING SWIRLIES IN YOUR HARTFORD VARSITY

You should definitely buy this Hartford suede varsity if you're trying to cultivate a high-school-bully-in-cattle-country look. Is that a look? If not, it should be. Get this jacket, part your hair to the side, and start handing out atomic wedgies and wet willies with extreme prejudice. Maybe change your name to Chip or Butch or Moose. If at all possible, master some period-appropriate games like Jacks or commie-hunting, to occupy your downtime between incidents of bullying. Just be careful giving swirlies in this joint: that toilet water splashback will really fuck up the suede.