EIDOS HOUSE SLIPPERS & LEGLESS LIZARDS

​Images via UNIONMADE

I'm tired, so I'm not going to bother with a lengthy explanation of why you should buy these Eidos House Slippers (available in indigo vintage stripe blanket and navy wool), but trust that I endorse them wholeheartedly. Sure, they cost 245 USD. If I was less tired, I might come up with an even-more-ridiculous way to spend that sum of money, employing the juxtaposition as a rhetorical flourish, but I just don't have the energy. I like slippers. I feel like I don't need much of a justification beyond that. Fine. In the winter, the floor gets cold, hence you need slippers. That's simple logic. Buy some slippers. Put your feet up. Relax already. I said relax. Why won't you just relax, goddammit? Sorry. I'm only slipping into rage mode because I'm exhausted. I should never take my anger out at you or slippers. You can't get aggro at slippers. You also can't get aggro in slippers. In fact, I'm pretty sure there's a law against that -- at least a local ordinance or something -- but I'm not a lawyer; I'm just a super sleepy dude, sitting at his computer, desperately fighting to keep his eyes open as he clickity-clacks at the keys. Clickity-clack. Clickity-clack. Quick question, dear reader: would you be open to coming over to my apartment and carrying me to my bed? I really don't want to use my legs right now. Never mind. You won't get here in time. I'm just going to hurl myself onto the floor and crawl to bed like some sort of legless lizard. I'm all about dignity. And slippers. Good night ​-RB