DRIES COATS FOR BOURGEOIS EXPATRIATES

Images via Mohawk General Store

I want to buy this Rotan coat from Dries Van Noten Man and spend the rest of my life on a tropical island, sitting in a pool chair, casually sipping a colorful beverage out of a hollowed-out pineapple, while one of my resentful attendants fans me with a particularly large palm frond. Is she fantasizing about stabbing me to death? I'm pretty sure she's fantasizing about stabbing me to death. Note to self: replace all silverware with plastic sporks. While that will probably complicate the pineapple-hollowing process, it will almost certainly put the kibosh on any plans to stab me to death, so take that would-be assassins. Now if only I could find similarly expedient solutions to the island's brutal poverty or the thermophilic amoebas currently digesting my brain. These are just some of the day-to-day problems faced by bourgeois expatriates ​-RB