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Fam, I still don't own a bucket hat. What the fuck is wrong with me? Don't answer that. If I was a smart guy, I'd probably cop one of these dope joints from Gitman Vintage (available in tang archive print, pineapple seersucker, and linen chambray). They are just too fly, bruh. Like 1997 Sugar Ray "Fly" fly. Like Goldblum's fingernails falling off in The Fly fly. You ever see Fly Away Home, bruh? That fucking fly. I saw a twelve year old kid rocking a floral print bucket hat, while riding by on a skateboard with all his little skateboard homies, and I was like "Oh, shit. I need that hat. Where did that kid get that hat?" I never found out where he got it. I never asked. I didn't even speak to him. For the briefest of moments, I considered shouting "Skate or die!" at him and his adolescent squad, but I was pumping gas at the time and didn't have an exit plan. People younger than twenty give me social anxiety. To be fair, people over twenty give me social anxiety as well. To be even fairer, everything gives me everything anxiety. You know what would help that? Buying one of dem Gitman Vintage bucket hats, bruh. Well, maybe not, but it sure as shit couldn't hurt -RB
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