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If you hate planning for the future as much as I do, then you should cop a pair of these Clinch by Brass Tokyo Narrow Last Cap-Toe Lace Up Boots (available in white and tan), because they cost about 1940 USD, depending on the strength of the dollar, and fit into almost no known investment strategies. I say “almost no known investment strategies”, because Kanye West exists and his financial planning style tends to be somewhat unorthodox. Both colorways of these boots are preternaturally pimping, so you can’t go wrong, unless you’re hoping to retire someday, in which case, these may not be the shoes for you. Just kidding: no one in my generation is going to retire, because of the crushing levels of student debt and the changing climate and all the other bad things, et cetera. If you’re not actively developing a time machine for the express purpose of transporting back to 2005, murdering Jack Dorsey, and founding Twitter yourself, you can expect to toil ceaselessly for the duration of your pitiful existence. Given that you’ll likely spend the remainder of your life being broken on the rack of unrelenting careerism, why not drop a big ‘ole rack of cash money on a pair of fancy ass Japanese-made kicks? Hock a viscous glemmie in the sullen face of sartorial determinism. Wait, let’s go back. If you busted a hole in spacetime so you could kill Jack Dorsey and steal his whole Wikipedia page, would you even bother founding Square? Or would you just jump straight into your new rich person lifestyle of eating Beluga caviar, being on the waiting list for the latest Tesla, and complaining about the inherent unfairness of the estate tax? You can be honest. I won’t judge you either way. Also, how many of you are familiar with the term “glemmie”? -RB
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