BUTTERO SNUFF SUEDE SNEAKERS & A COUPLE WAYS TO MAKE THAT OSSO BUCO MONEY

​Images via Cultizm

All apologies to my vegan readers, but these Buttero B7350 Vinci Running Snuff Suede sneakers (available in Terra and Tobacco) are violently stylish and totally worth the slaughter of a juvenile cow. Let’s be honest: calfskin shoes are veal for your feet. Wearing a pair of these kicks is like taking a bite of rich, indulgent osso buco in a rustic Milanese trattoria. Dear cows, thank you for literally being made of awesome. Your bodies comprise only utility and deliciousness, while my body comprises mostly whiskey and chest hair. Good luck making dope sneakers out of me. Now, this is the part of the post where I casually mention that a pair of the above Butteros will cost you a cool four bills (383.91 USD, to be exact). That’s a lot of osso buco money. Man, I need to immediately concoct and subsequently enact some sort of get rich quick scheme if I ever hope to be able to afford any of the clothes or accessories featured on this blog. What’s easier: starting a successful multi level marketing company or starting a successful cult? Is there even a solid distinction to be made between the two? Probably not. Who’s doing better: Amway or Scientology? Am I going to get sued for this post? Who knows. All I know is that they both employ extremely viable money making models and I want in on at least one of those rackets. Maybe I’ll just start a cult centered around selling a certain product or products and kill two birds with one dehumanizing stone. The question is what to sell. And also what to worship. I’m thinking cake decoration supplies and moon people respectively. I’ll worry about crafting the theological justification for selling assortments of piping tips later. The important thing is that we get tax exempt status and start raking in that sweet, sweet cashish. Word to Xenu -RB