ALDEN SHOES NUMBER 8 SHELL CORDOVAN LONGWING & QUESTIONS FOR MANSERVANTS

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I must say, my good sir or madame, these Number 8 Shell Cordovan Longwings from Alden Shoes are mighty fine, mighty fine indeed. They’re fully brogued and reverse Goodyear welted, which are important attributes to note if you plan on disciplining your unruly manservants by putting literal foot to literal ass. A single pair costs 765 USD, but fret not, dear reader, for Alden’s construction and materials are of the highest possible standard. The upper on this particular pair is made out of Genuine Shell Cordovan, from the near mythical Horween Leather Company and welted to Alden’s proprietary lugged “Commando Sole”, a design decision so brilliant, I did a cartoonish double take upon noticing it. What can I say? A well-chosen sole elicits a strong emotional reaction from me, like sunsets or the realization that I’m so old and out of touch that I need Vox to explain queer Babadook to me. Jumping back, does anyone still use the term “manservant”? Is that a politically incorrect term? I’ve had some pretty shitty, entry level jobs, but nothing on the shittiness level of manservant. If you are or ever have been a manservant, let me hear you sound off in the comments: I sincerely wish to learn about your work experience. Is it a pulpy bodice ripper novel kind of thing or more of a crushing Dickensian type of affair? Have you ever been offered sex by a noble with the desire to slum it? Have you ever been cruelly beaten by a sadistic master? Have you ever been offered the chance to be sexually beaten by your noble master? Just googled “manservant” and found ManServants.co, which is essentially a high-end version of RentBoy for not-so-naughty bachelorette parties. This same search led me to RentaGent, a virtually identical service. There’s no lesson at the end of this tangent. I’m just perplexed by every facet of our modern society -RB