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Ayo, before you head off to the yard to bust caps in 30-50 feral hogs, you’d better cop a pair of these Fatigue Trousers from albam (available in Bottle Green and Navy), because how are you going to protect your children and/or property without kitting yourself out in the proper attire? Don’t get it twisted: I’m not making light of the scourge of wild swine that afflict the rural citizens of this great nation. I’m just here to get some unearned lulz out of the internet’s dankest memes before they go completely stale and end up relegated to a forgotten entry on knowyourmeme.com, rubbing elbows with the likes of Scumbag Steve and Philosoraptor. I wish I was strong enough to write entire posts focusing on the featured garments. I wish I had the fortitude to churn out solid paragraphs of dry copy, devoid of random deviations. I wish I could give you good people an unadulterated, meme-free look at these albam Fatigue Trousers, but that’s just not the man I am and that’s just not the world we live in. To quote the internet, “We live in a society”, a society under perpetual threat of attack by violent racists, assault rifle wielding sociopaths, and, apparently, hordes of untamed pigs. I fully acknowledge that, in the wake of tragedy, it can be hard to care about pants, regardless of how cool they are. But the tragedies never stop. Something bad is always happening. Isn’t it better to be wearing pants when things go wrong? Especially military-inspired, garment dyed pants that come in dope ass colorways. I hate when shit goes down when I’m not wearing pants and I’m not making an exceptionally poor attempt at a pants-shitting joke. Or at least I’m not trying to. Now is not a time for poop jokes. However, it is a time for pants. All times are times for pants. Okay, maybe just most times. I thought of a bunch of exceptions to that pants rule and I immediately regretted my proclamation, but I don’t want to get bogged down in the minutiae of trouser mores. Or maybe I do. Do you need to wear pants while washing dishes alone? I think not, but reasonable minds can differ. That’s the beauty of living in a pluralistic civilization: we can disagree on the necessity of pants. In fact, we can disagree on just about everything, including, but not limited to, the proper method of deterring 30-50 feral hogs. Sometimes, dear readers, it do be like that -RB
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