ACNE STUDIOS CHAD COATS & THE POWER OF GOATS

Images via Très Bien

Hola brochachos! Today I’m lusting after this Chad Coat from Acne Studios, because I believe it’s never too early to start looking at winter coats, what with all this man-made climate change creeping up on us. I don’t know if you’ve seen the documentary film The Day After Tomorrow, but a new ice age could kick off at pretty much any time and we’ll all be forced to burn civilization’s most precious documents to keep warm. Plus, there will be hella wolves just roaming around, looking for hapless wanderers to devour. What more thematically appropriate garb could there be than a wool overcoat? Shout to sheep, by the way. And goats, I guess, as the Chad Coat is made from a wool/cashmere blend and I don’t want the goat community to think I’m biased against them. Goats are great. Having weird horizontal pupils and screaming like a terrified human? Fuck yeah. I’m about that goat life. Should we move on or shall I continue to extoll the strange virtues of these noble ovine ruminants? Given that you are unable to respond in real time, I’m choosing the former, so say goodbye to the goats. Don’t worry though, I’m sure they’ll return in a future installment, maybe one about delicious mutton dishes and/or the dark lord Satan. Anyway, Acne produces a ton of cool clothes, but I’ve always found their overcoats to be particularly covet-worthy and this Chad Coat is no exception. It’s got super clean lines and a perfectly relaxed fit. Even better, despite its name, it looks like the kind of garment no man named Chad would wear, probably due to the fact that it a) has sleeves and b) would make executing a keg stand considerably more difficult. Apologies to any and all Chads in my readership. I don’t mean to stereotype you based on something as basic and unchosen as your name. I certainly don’t want the Chad community thinking I’m biased against them. Chads are great. Not as great as goats, but who is? Let’s not set unattainable standards. That never works out well for anyone. Except for goats, of course, who will always remain the undisputed champions of the animal kingdom, thanks to eons of successful evolution and the continuing patronage of Satan. Sheep are cool too, but they were not chosen by the dark lord and are thusly inferior to their goat cousins. Not trying to shit on sheep here -- I’m half-Welsh, which probably makes me part sheep -- but, goddamn, goats are just so great. Did you know that the process of goats giving birth is called “kidding”? So when you say “I’m just kidding”, you’re really saying “I’m just giving birth to an infant goat”. Okay, that last sentence is definitely untrue. Now I’m getting swept up in the euphoria of this goat appreciation post and telling silly falsehoods for no good reason. Goats will do that to you. It’s one of their many powers, like climbing trees and not having any teeth on their upper jaws. So go ahead and cop this Chad Coat. Do it for yourself. More importantly, do it for the goats. I know they’ll appreciate it -RB