08SIRCUS TERRY SWEAT PARKAS FOR ALL YOUR SPONTANEOUS ROOFTOP DANCE PARTIES

Images via HAVEN

I don’t know when short sleeve sweatshirts became a thing, but a thing they are. Like this high gauge terry sweat parka from 08sircus (available in gray and army green): it’s definitely a thing. And it's got a hood, which is a helpful feature, unless one of your friends fills it with confetti or pennies or cockroaches. Then it's really annoying. Yes, the sleeves are ¾ length, but for the sake of maintaining my narrative, let’s just agree to call them short. I haven't worn a hoodie since college, but I would wear the shit out of this thing, with little to no self-consciousness or social anxiety (lie). I want this garment, but, more than that, I want the life that goes along with it. I want to go sandboarding and also prepare a gourmet candlelit dinner for my wife, who, for some reason, only wears turtleneck sweaters. I want to go on spur of the moment roadtrips and throw spontaneous rooftop dance parties, where all the attendees are extremely attractive and most likely rich. I want to reconnect with my 2.5 children by taking them to the beach and throwing my perpetually-ringing cell phone into the sea, while their turtlenecked mother looks on approvingly. But that kind of life ain't free, fam. In fact, it costs 266 USD just to get this hoodie. So if you want a piece, then you'd better stack up. Stack up like Yertle the Turtle. Shout to Gertrude McFuzz -RB