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Happy belated Pride, mes amis! Let’s celebrate the diversity of human experience with this 450 USD Multi Border Prisoner Jacket from Human Made, because what are humans, if not prisoners, marooned on this planetary Alcatraz we call Earth. This ever-spinning stone, hurtling through the void, endlessly circling. There is no escape. Woe is us. But this is supposed to be a party, not a funeral. Our species is enjoying itself. Despite the omnipresent threat of destruction, we soldier on. We live, we laugh, we love. We wear expensive jackets. We make and watch television shows about each other’s strange careers, strange addictions, and strange taste in romantic partners. We employ parallelism to make long lists that eat up word count. We all have dreams. One of my dreams is to hang all of my t-shirts, instead of poorly folding and hastily cramming them into my chest of drawers. Imagine hanging all your t-shirts. Picture it in your mind’s eye. Does that thought bring you a borderline irrational level of comfort? Are any of your obsessions and/or compulsions becoming aroused? Are you building a spreadsheet that comprehensively lists your t-shirts and breaks them down by color and brand? We can control our lives with spreadsheets. Let them govern your every choice. They bring order to the chaos of the universe. Row, column, cell. Proton, neutron, electron. Earth, wind, fire. God, devil, man. Infinitely organize your everything and touch the face of the divine. Discover the formula to calculate the complex equation that is your being. You ever see that movie Pi? Do that stuff. I haven’t seen that film in a while, but I seem to remember things working out great for the protagonist. Feel free to correct me in the comments, but do so with the full knowledge that I will not change my opinion regardless of the evidence -RB
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