I don't currently own a fishtail parka. In fact, I'm not sure that I've ever owned a parka of any style. Is that bad? I think it's bad, but my barometer has been recalibrated to the point where I experience genuine pangs of guilt over my lack of Goodyear welted boots. Anyway, this OAMC fishtail coat is normally 1605 USD over at Roden Gray, but thanks to the magic of Cyber Monday, you can have it for a mere 964 USD. Buy two and give me one. We can start our own special forces unit together or, more likely, go get single origin macchiatos at a local coffee shop that also sells expensive juice.
Common Projects calls these the BBall Lows and if you play basketball in 449 USD sneakers, then congratulations, you are the king of flexing. It's Black Friday, so if you're not reading this right now, it's probably because you're currently dragging your discounted haul away from the smoking wreck that was once the local Best Buy. Woe betide those thirsty motherfuckers who line up at Macy's at six o'clock Thanksgiving night, eager to trample their fellow man for a doorbuster deal. Enjoy the Roku you pried from that kindly retiree's arthritic fingers. I hope it fills the consumer-electronics-shaped hole in your heart.
For better or for worse, everyone is giving their sneakers the Hender Scheme treatment, so prepare yourself for vegetable-tanned everything. The above Vegtan One-O-Ones from Clear Weather (available exclusively at Kith) look like the illegitimate progeny that would result from a drunken dalliance between a pair of Vans Authentics and some Clarks Desert Boots. Plus, they have fringe on them and, while it may be a polarizing adornment, I actually really dig it. I used to rock a pair of fringe-covered iPaths and they were definitely cool. Or at least they seemed cool to skateboarding eighth-grader me, but that asshole thought visor beanies were fashionable headwear. At one point, I owned oversized patchwork jean shorts. I'm yet to truly reckon with the fact that I made some very unfortunate sartorial decisions in my youth.
Heavens to Murgatroyd! These Nike SB Blazer lows are gorgeous. Sumptuous, even. Dope enough to justify a #sneakers Vine, but low-key enough to rock on the regular, these shoes sit in what Adam Savage of Mythbusters fame would call the "butter zone". BTW how much does it suck that Mythbusters got cancelled? By Hyneman's beret, what an exceptional bummer for everyone with a television. Thankfully, the fourteenth and final season of the show will premiere on January 9th, 2016, so mark your calendars or whatever. Anyway, these Nikes cost only 80 USD over at Undefeated, so buy them for science. Exit, stage left! *Snagglepuss voice*
Oh my God. Shoes. I don't write about shoes that often, but they are an important part of any non-Hobbit's wardrobe and should be afforded some gosh dang respect. Speaking of gosh dang respect, take a gander at these "vintage suede" Chucks (available from the Bureau Belfast in Mykonos Blue and Red Dahlia). With nearly a century of production history behind them, the Chuck Taylor All-Star may be the most venerated model in the pantheon of iconic sneakers. All-Stars are now an inextricable part of American life, like watching the show Cops or being shot by the actual cops. There's probably a thirty-two percent chance that you're wearing a pair while reading this very blog post. I know I'm belaboring the point, but these shoes enjoy an almost Kardashian-level ubiquity, which can be slightly mitigated by purchasing expensive limited release versions and popping a ton of #ootd #nofilter 'Grams of your feet.
I must confess, when I first introduced Fast Fashion Fridays, I assumed that they would be some of the easiest posts to write. I was quite wrong. After a few weeks of sifting through the offerings from various fast fashion retailers, I've concluded that there are precious few pieces worth discussing, let alone recommending. This is due, in large part, to my growing familiarity with the source garments from which these brands "take inspiration" and to my increasing adherence to the clothes-buying schema advocated by fashion reporter Marc Bain in his piece for The Atlantic, "The Case for Expensive Clothes". Taking all that into consideration, I have little choice but to retire Fast Fashion Fridays for the foreseeable future. Although you can bet your boots I'll still be posting about the next Uniqlo x Lemaire collabo, because it is sure to be totally excellent *Keanu voice*. Anyway, H&M is selling these Star Wars boxers, so there's that. Proclaim your unyielding geekdom by letting George Lucas profiteer upon your ballsack. Later, nerds.
This Phenomenon sweatshirt has an elastic band on the back that will make you look more interesting and allow your asshole friends to slingshot empty beer cans against your lumbar region. I like how it's all nondescript from the front, but then you pop around the back and find a weird, utility-free detail. It's the mullet of crew neck sweatshirts. Not a shitty Joe Dirt mullet, but a cool mullet, like Swayze's. Or Captain Planet's. Those dudes had great taste. I bet they'd dig this sweatshirt. I would write more about this garment, but now I'm super distracted and need to watch either Joe Dirt or like eight episodes of Captain Planet.
You know who would look good in this cut & sew block shirt from Rough & Tumble? Rob Lowe. Y'all watch The Grinder? You should. It's TV's best new comedy about an extraordinarily handsome white man struggling with a mid-life crisis. But even if you're not keeping up with the trials and tribs of Dean Sanderson, you should still buy this shirt. That funky chest panel is made from a variety of textiles and even features a hidden pocket, which you can use to store notes reminding you to watch The Grinder, Tuesdays at 8:30. Be honest with yourself: you need more Rob Lowe in your life. That man is one sexy, unaging sonofabitch. And he's got great comedic timing to boot. Some motherfuckers are just born to win.
If you need something to wear while working on an Alaskan oil pipeline, look no further than this Woolrich Arctic parka (available from Oi Polloi in military navy and mill street olive), because that's what it's for. You could probably wear it while doing other things that are not Alaska, oil, or pipeline related, but where would the fun be in that? I've decided that I'm going to buy this thing and film a shot for shot remake of John Carpenter's The Thing, with me in every role, Eddie Murphy style. Or maybe I'll do The Grey instead, with me as Liam Neeson and the wolves. In all likelihood, I'll just drink the rest of this Mosel Riesling and forget the whole damn thing. What parka?
What did we do in the time before the internet? I can scarcely remember those days, those dark ages, before emojis and Netflix, when we read dusty books by candlelight and churned butter by hand. For twenty harrowing hours, I relived that empty experience, completely cut off from the internet, unable to show you wonderful garments like this Shuttlenotes paraffin weather coat, available over at Mohawk General Store. Now, you're probably thinking "But, Rhys, is this not supposed to be Woodsy Week? That coat does not look well-suited to the outdoor recreational activities in which I enjoy participating" and you'd be right, Mr. Grammarian, except for the fact that this coat is water repellent, thanks to a layer of paraffin wax. So you will be both dry and exceptionally swagged out, while traipsing through the rain to buy artisanal fruit preserves or whatever dope nonsense you use your disposable income on.
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